Strip Nude For Your KIller

It’s been a long two months, but the end of October spells the launch of the next Shameless Screen Entertainment movie: Strip Nude For Your Killer (Nude per l’assassino). Made back in 1975 this movie has been sadly elusive in the UK, while overseas it has been an incredibly popular purchase for collectors of the Italian thriller genre otherwise known as Giallo!

My first encounter with the movie occurred two years ago, when against advice I purchased the German X-Rated edition. The movie was quite literally chucked onto the DVD, its imagery sometimes so dark it was hard to see, but most importantly a soundtrack so distorted and poor that thirty odd minutes in I turned my back on the movie. The events so disturbed me that I wrote the movie off as a lost cause, and even ignored a following purchase of US Blue Underground disc. I had to buy it I’m a completist. Upon inserting the Shameless disc I was overjoyed to see the level of preservation that the team had gone to, the lengths of achieving (it’s this preservation process that sees such a large gap between the companies releases) something that looks near on perfect. Even when compared to the Blue Underground disc (who have far deeper pockets than Shameless) the preservation is amazing, the sound is near on modern day movie quality perfect. If there is any real flaw it’s in the dark scenes where the movies age is more obvious with some blue tints to what should be black.

As the movie begins we see a young woman on a doctors table, this is a typical case of the back street abortionist, but not so typical is the sudden death of the woman. The dodgy Doc is straight on the phone for help, and we see two men (one of which being the doctor) lowering the girl’s body into a bath in an attempt to make the death look like an accident. Thinking all is well the Doctor is not expecting to be brutally murdered while entering his home.

A month on and as the petty dramas of the Albatross modelling agency unfold, one of the photographers (a very good Quentin Crisp lookalike) while minding his own business, is disturbed by a visitor. While clearly knowing his visitor, things turn nasty; “You’re spilling my whisky!” he cries, but death and a rather nasty anal assault await our photographer, are the two murders connected? But this is just the beginning, and as the bodies mount up it’s up to newly united couple Magda (Edwige Fenech) and Carlo (Nino Castelnuovo) to crack the mystery.

I’m not going to plead all is good here; to be honest with you the movie does not feature the best of stories, it’s very “Scooby Doo” structured and for the most part leaning in the direction of what I would call bobbins. However, if you love the Italian horror and Giallo movies then of course this is too much of an opportunity to let slip you buy, after all you are talking about the opportunity, to see this movie freely available in uncut form in the UK for the very first time.

The story bounces about a bit, one minute being completely fluid, the next not so much; there is not much development here in its’ storyline or the characters, the characters are so thinly written that you do not really get to the heart of any of the characters. The movies big hero is one minute a little likeable the next minute coming off like a complete psycho, throttling Magda for no apparent rhyme or reason. Magda the movies leading lady, is sadly a little dim and annoying. Then there is the police, the biggest sham of a police force you have ever seen in a movie; when a crime occurs it seems the whole police force pile into a crime scene, nobody stays outside, and certainly none of the police can run.

Unlike a lot of Italian movies Strip Nude For Your Killer was shot entirely in Italian, this needs explaining I guess; frequently in Italian movies the cast are global, in many movies the cast spoke in their own language, or were forced to speak in English, then often dubbed into whatever language was appropriate for the movies audience. The result is that for those a little on the picky side, it’s obvious that this movie has been dubbed into English. The reason for mentioning this is that the person dubbing the character of Carlo has a few issues when saying certain words specifically corpuscles.

For the movies director Andrea Bianchi, this movie is somewhat a masterpiece his career varied from gross out movies to hardcore pornography, here he manages a partial synergy by delivering a pretty gory thriller, with enough nudity and semi-clothed stars to keep his more hardcore adult movie fans happy. It seems that the director was trying to harness a new genre, and while other movies before and after have tried, this is one of the more illicit of the Italian sex thrillers. I mentioned earlier the sort of mish-mash of storytelling and style, for those familiar with the Italian movies Bianchi’s work includes The Nights Of Terror AKA The Zombie Dead, Zombi 3; a movie that touches on the “It’s so bad it’s good” style, similar could be said about this offering.

When not trying to titillate, the movie really goes for the gross out factor, the movies killer likes to undress their victims and tries to mutilate them in some way, one has a breast sheared off, another their testicles, while another makes off lightly just losing their ears, although lightly is a bit tame as the victim still dies. While the cutting is not pictured onscreen the after effects are, and while not being particularly realistic it’s still pretty mean to look at.

Of the movies cast Edwige Fenech always makes for good viewing, the actress was incredibly popular during the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s making a recent return in big screen horror offering Hostel 2. Fenech here is sporting an unusually cropped haircut, and looking almost boyish. Bianchi had little time for actors and Fenech is never given any real chance to shine, though still rather nice to look at. I skip over Nino Castelnuovo because you cannot judge his role fairly due to the pitfalls of the characters development, I cannot remember a time I so venomously disliked a movie lead, this is more a criticism of the character than the actor. Who was nice to see however was Franco Diogene as the aging virgin Maurizio, Diogene is possibly best known as the crooked lawyer Yesil in Midnight Express, unfortunately you get to see a little too much of this character.

Of the movies big plus points, the big draw is that you will not ever guess who the killer is, I was on the right lines but 100 miles from the target, and this is the resounding benefit of the movie, it’s great to have a mystery and if nothing else the film delivers that.

Special Features:-

I’m at this time uncertain if the movie will come with a reversible cover as recent releases have, there seems to be no mention of it with the material I received, but in fairness it’s a great buy with or without the cover. The movie has been remastered in 2.35:1 with a 2.0 soundtrack.

But it’s the trailers that really impress here, alongside trailers for existing releases Torso (AKA Carnal Violence), and New York Ripper come trailers for upcoming titles. The Designated Victim is the next due release, a loose remake of Hitchcock’s Strangers On A Train the movie will be seen by UK audiences for the first time, and unusually for Shameless releases according to the new trailer will come with special features including an English and Italian soundtrack, fact-track, deleted scenes, and art gallery; they are calling this the Fan Edition. Oasis Of Fear looks simply swinging with a glimpse of Flash Gordon’s Ornella Mutti in the altogether, well almost. Something that really pleased me was the first concrete evidence of the movie Watch Me When I Kill about to appear on the scene. While Shameless also promise Baba Yaga: Reloaded, a special 35th anniversary edition re-edited by the movies director after it was harshly edited upon release. Of course the trailer for Strip Nude For Your Killer is also included.

While personally it’s not my favourite of the Shameless releases, I’m thrilled that their releases has at last allowed me to see the movie, and that they have put so much hard work in the release.

Strip Nude For Your Killer is available from the end of October RRP £12.99.

The Midnight Meat Train

In the 1980’s the name Clive Barker was a name to be reckoned with, his Hellraiser books were not only were revolutionary in their written style, when they made the transition to film that style literally dripped from the screen. The 80’s made way for the 90’s and while the Hellraiser movies were hits, they had become so through the English market; nothing had been that phenomenal a hit in the United States. This was until Candyman, Barkers writing took viewers on a horror tale unlike anything they had seen before. Mid 90’s however the world had lost its interest with Barker, movies like Nightbreed and The Lord Of Illusions took viewers down familiar horror paths, Barker had lost his ability to remain unique in the horror market. But now after ten years in the wilds Barker has returned, and his first movie is a real gem.

In The Midnight Meat Train we follow undiscovered talent Leon Kauffman (Bradley Cooper best known from TV’s Alias) trying to make a name for himself in the world of artistic photography. His photographs are indeed cutting edge but nothing that we had not seen before. A meeting with Gallery owner Susan Hoff (Brooke Shields) gives him food for thought “You were in the right place, at the right time!” she tells him, then finishing by telling him that he does not have the guts to go further. In the middle of the night Leon goes out into the subways to capture the image of fear in a photograph. Disturbing an assault Leon gets just the photographs he needed while saving a young model in the process as she faced a group of young thugs. In doing so however the model boards a train, a train ride that will cost the model her life, for on this train rides Mahogany (Vinnie Jones) a vicious killer who attacks and murders humans like cattle.

Even though I knew this was Clive Barkers big comeback film, under the directorial eye of Ryuhei Kitamura and screenplay writer Jeff Buhler; having seen the trailer earlier on this year I was not sufficiently convinced that lessons had been learned, the trailer looking no different from the average gore filled slasher, but watching the movie was something very different.

Like the very best horror movies, The Midnight Meat Train moves into continuously new ground, one minute it’s one thing, the next it’s another. The wonder of the movie is that you never quite know where the movie is going, and to be honest unlike many others you cannot even begin to hazard a
guess. As I sat watching the movie, my thought on who Mahogany was and why he did these unspeakable acts, soon passed, there was just far too much going on all round. Between Vinnie Jones hitting people’s eyes out with hammers, to these strange dream sequences and more confusing who the dreams actually belong too; there are so many aspects to this story. This could sound like a bad thing, but this is honestly not the case, this constantly evolving, frequently changing story keeps the movie fresh, rather like Barker’s Hellraiser and Candyman did. Around 30 minutes in something really interesting happens between Mahogany and a thug on the train, if at this point you have had any doubts about the movie, particularly fears that it is going in the same direction of other movies, then your mind will be changed, the scale of the situation increases two-fold. And this is only the beginning.

The special effects of the movie are pretty “out there”; they are very good indeed but not entirely realistic, indeed it seems that the production team have gone for something visual above everything else. In one specific scene Mahogany attacks a group of people after a night out, the first victim is struck on the back of the head, with such force the victims eyes fly out while still moving, and a woman’s head is literally knocked off her shoulders, again still moving. Far from realistic bearing in mind that the weapon of choice for Mahogany is a meat tenderiser, but as far as viewing entertainment goes something special, to hear an audience cry out “Oh my God!” and the like is really quite funny.

I’m always convinced there is a strong argument for casting ex sport stars in movies then referring to them as actors, this is not something I approve of; when you see Vinnie Jones as out midnight butcher you realise that for once this was absolutely the right decision. From a standpoint of girth, to the rather unusual way his eyes sink back into his head, Jones looks like the role was created for him. In the first 20 minutes, when he has committed seven murders you look at him and realise he is the embodiment of fear, rather like Rutgar Hauer was in the original Hitcher movie.

The casting of Bradley Cooper as Leon is a masterstroke, if you ever saw Alias, Cooper played Will Tippen, the best friend of Sydney, and the one that in your heart you wanted her to be with, rather like real life he was the loser in love and as a result overlooked. Here he bears a similar resemblance, a failed photographer and a coward that you like as the movie begins, but as he moves further and further through the movie, encouraging all sorts of nastiness you have to look again. By the time the movie has ended he is something so far removed from how he started, but this is not like putting a skinny man in a fat suit, you see him progress, grow, become stronger; and this transition makes him far scarier than Mahogany. Cooper made the movie his own,
to the extent that if the movie was ever remade you would not understand how anyone could replace him.

In the movies passing of the lead title (as the film progresses you are given the opportunity to see events through the eyes of other characters) you focus on Maya, Leon’s Girlfriend played by Leslie Bibb (Iron Man), and Jurgis (Roger Bart – Desperate Housewives, Hostel 2); while both are weaker actors, they effectively need to be, they enter events in the dark, but are quickly put in the firing line. As the movie moves to the third quarter you actually have to ask yourself who is the leading actor, as Maya becomes a one woman army; at this point I addressed whether her acting was weaker deliberately from the offset, as towards the conclusion this was far from the case.

Despite his lack of input, this is clearly a tale from Clive Barker, from the fact that the director has given you this very visual look, where you can see all the textures and there is this wonderfully unique filming style, to the down and dirty horror of the movie, On the basis of this movie expect to see a bold return of the author into the movie industry, and above all... Prepare to be scared.

Taken

All the way back at the end of the 1980’s someone looked at the 35 year old Liam Neeson and decided that he would make the most excellent action hero. Next Of Kin, Darkman, Suspect, The Dead Pool, and Under Suspicion all went in the right direction to shape this career. But then it all went wrong, Neeson started appearing in romantic movies, comedies, and political dramas; the hard man image lost now allowing Neeson to progress as a credible actor. You could argue that this was a good idea, Schindlers List, Rob Roy, Michael Collins and Kinsey all gave the actor some considerable acclaim. Strangely though as the actor moves slowly towards his 60^th birthday someone has decided to return the action mantle to Neeson, and prepare for a bucket load of action blockbusters featuring the actor. Leading the way to towards this new re-incarnation of the actor is Taken a gripping action thriller with more guns and fights than a James Bond movie could ever aspire to.

Taken begins rather preposterously with the 17^th birthday of Kim (Maggie Grace near on ten years above that age), long distant father Bryan (Neeson) arrives to the party clutching a karaoke machine to help his daughter practise her love of singing. In the ultimate dick swinging contest however, Step Father Stuart (Xander Berkeley) produces a prize stallion as the birthday gift from him to Kim. With poor finances in place Bryan can only look on, while ex wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) looks cheerfully on at this brazen show of one upmanship. Bryan is soon given the chance to award his daughter the ultimate gift however, permission to travel to France for a summer of historical study. While he does not want to allow Kim this pleasure, he knows in the pit of his stomach that this will win him back into favour. Bryan takes no chances however giving Kim a state of the art phone to stay in touch with him. Arriving in France, Kim soon finds herself in trouble and the only person she can turn to is her father. As a group of armed men burst into the apartment she shares with her friend, Bryan can only give his daughter the best advice he can to get her help, but painfully he must listen on the telephone thousands of miles away as his daughter is taken.

Abducted, drugged and sold into the sex trade, nobody could have realised that Kim’s father was an ex secret agent, heading for France he is in no mood for discussion.

I’m absolutely mortified that I chose to delay watching Taken by nearly a month after receiving a preview disc, I had not heard of Taken and simply assumed this was some sort of low budget thriller that was not going anywhere. I could not have been more wrong, although for the most part in English this is really a major French movie, with in incredibly big budget.

There are so many thrillers out there that go nowhere, and have no real impact on your emotions. Taken pulls on your heartstrings from the offset, watching a relationship ruined through rivalry; then following with the abduction of a child, surely every parent’s worst fear. Both aspects are given such detail, making the story win you over from the offset. The fact that Kim has been taken to sell into the sex trade makes things worse, there are no pink soft shades in this movie, and it’s harsh, gritty and brutal. As the movie proceeds things get more and more uncomfortable as you are shown the lives of the girls sold in this very way.

Having emotionally won you over, and endeared you to a character that in fairness due to the casting of Neeson in that role a lot of people would find it difficult to warm too; the next of the movies offerings to address is the action. Looking at Taken you cannot help but realise that Neeson was sadly overlooked at some point as a suitable casting for James Bond. Carrying out many of the movies stunts himself, the fight sequences are incredibly well choreographed, think Bruce Willis in Die Hard with an Irish accent. While being the ultimate fighting warrior in the movie, with the ability to snap bones with a single slam; Neeson’s character is very much aware of his own mortality. Understanding that the character as well as the actor is getting on there are no large jumps in chase sequences, it’s all Neeson can do to give chase to be honest, when it comes to jumps the character of Bryan sums up the probability of failure and thinks “Sod it” before moving on to the next best option. Add to this that Bryan is not the usual bullet swallowing action hero, one shot and he knows he is “in a ditch”, instead manoeuvring his way through the movie with nothing more than a sore head and a few flesh wounds.

Where the movie falls down in my opinion is in the casting of the lovely Maggie Grace; best known as the sister from hell Shannon in the series Lost, the casting of the actress to play a seventeen year old is rather like me a man in my late thirties being cast as a schoolboy, and while I’m sure I’d look just grand in short trousers cap and school tie, it would not be what the viewing public would want to see. I can sort of understand the casting, because you need to find someone who after various drug related incidents would look older than their years, and by the end you forget her age; but at the beginning you cannot help but think “What!”

As Taken continues the storyline becomes more and more compelling, zig zagging around between tense storytelling, action, and very real horror; with some wonderful location shooting around Paris, and some great minor roles including an appearance from “Naughty Girl” Holly Valance, Taken movies into first place in my list of thrillers movies of 2008.

Taken is in UK cinemas from September 26^th.

Death Race

I was a little reluctant to look at Death Race, it had a couple of bad things going for it; firstly it was a re-make of a 1975 movie called Death Race 2000 which absolutely bored me to tears, and secondly the appearance of the incredibly dull Jason Statham. What made me change my mind I hear you cry? Will it was what in my opinion was the unusual casting of Ian McShane (best known from the long running BBC show Lovejoy). Add to this the fact that it's directed by Paul W.S. Anderson who made one of my favourite movies Event Horizon, the big question of course is were my initial gut instincts correct.

In the near future, 2012 to be precise the population burgeons and economy dies a slow and painful death, businesses close and it seems everyone is capable of turning to a life of crime. In order to furnish her pockets with cash, and to make use of the increasing amounts of prisoners in her prison Hennessey (Joan Allen) creates the reality TV sports show Death Race. In Death Race prisoners must race against each other in a three day, three event race. If a prisoner wins a race five times he is freed, given a full pardon in fact, if he loses, well it's best put that the losers don't get to discover the reality of losing, the only way out of Death Race is first across the finish line, otherwise your bound to be in the morgue.

Frankenstein (David Carradine reprising his role from the original movie) is the champion that all the viewers love to see, 90 million viewers in fact; Hennessey's pockets have never been so full. The problem being that after four matches Frankenstein finally breathes his final breath, dying in the prison hospital from severe injuries on his forth successful race. This leaves Hennessey with a problem, but luckily due to disfiguration Frankenstein could be replaced; the trouble being the only man capable of racing as well as Frankenstein is hard working family man Jenson Ames (Statham) who is sadly for Hennessey on the wrong side of the prison walls... What on earth can she do about that?

Death Race is a real no-brainer of a movie, a traditional action packed blockbuster; the sort we got so familiar with towards the end of the 1980's. There is nothing much to think about, a pretty shocking grasp of reality, and some poor judgement choices in the way the story goes, but what does this matter to me, I loved it. Death Race is the same sort of fun packed nonsense we all saw and loved in movies like Robocop. It's bloody, it's violent, but the time passes by like the blinking of an eye. The storyline overview I gave you to open this review quite literally takes you no more than five minutes into the movie, rather like real life racing it's so fast paced that there is no time to think about anything else. Once you allow yourself to be submerged into the world that is Death Race there is no coming out until the end credits roll.

Statham, and I have to hand it to the guy delivers the second movie in a row of his I have to confess enjoying, the first being The Bank Job. Now I really enjoyed The Bank Job, a sort of thinking man's (or woman's) action movie, but that does not even hold a candle to this, unless of course your one of those anally retentive souls that concerns yourself with realism, and accuracy. If we wanted realism and accuracy why go to the cinema or watch a DVD? Get outside and see reality for yourselves! For those that like to take your action with a pinch of salt, this is the place to be and as a much as it pains me to say it, I could see no other actor filling the shoes that Statham delivers here.

But forget Statham, he is the little fish, it was McShane that drove me to see the movie, and what a great job he did keeping me in it. As Coach, McShane is the engineer on the car that Frankenstein buys, engineer and trainer, and a very quick minded, and quick mouthed character too. He is the Mr. Miyagi, the Apollo Creed to Rocky, in fact he is every great action characters rock. This is a thousand miles away from Lovejoy, and the unusual casting of this star I believe has secured McShane the start of the career this very talented actor deserves.

There are a whole huddle of villains in the movie Machine Gun Joe (Tyrese Gibson), Pachenko (Max Ryan), and Gunner (Jacob Vargas); but none of these are any competition for Joan Allen's Hennessey. Hennessey is the hardest and most ruthless female villain of a movie for years, changing the rules as she sees fit and ending the lives of those that cross her for the sake of it. Hard to believe that this is the same Allen who played Veronica Guerrin (Renamed Sinead Hamilton in When The Sky Falls), or the loving wife in the Ice Palace. There is nothing gentle about Hennessey, and the smiles and female methods of seduction fool no-one here. You can almost see the enjoyment in her eyes as she clearly loves to be bad.

It's inevitable that Death Race will be criticised and mocked, it will get rotten tomato awards, maybe a Razzie; but if your want, nay need a bit of light relief and a teleport back to the movie making style of the 80's then this has the power to be your big Autumn Blockbuster.

No Man's Land: The Rise Of The Reeker

If my name were David Payne, sorry now the slightly more hip Dave Payne, I would be reading this with a little baited breath. For two years ago just prior to the movie Reeker's UK release I wrote a scathing review of the movie. Dave took considerable offense at this and threatened the websites I published to with the full weight of Fox/Pathe unless they removed the reviews I had written. Imagine, an internet nobody such as myself threatened with such action, however I stood by my guns and two of these websites allowed me to repost my review having previously been forced to pull them down. Things have changed since then, and it was the actions of Dave Payne that actually made me more confident to continue to write, review and literally make my living from the practise because when the words of one little person can make one of the world's biggest movie companies shudder, then I must surely be doing something right.

Reeker was a highly successful low budget movie, released in the UK under a stream of big hype, while I absolutely hated the movie, I do have to hand it to both Dave and Tina Illman (AKA Tina Payne) they pulled an amazing con trick, and must have achieved high profits from this movie. I guess with this in mind it was with no surprise that Dave and Tina would try to to replicate their success and this leads us on to...

No Man's Land: The Rise Of The Reeker

Beginning in 1978, the movie shows us the roots of the killer known as The Reeker, and allows us some insight into why the character smells so bad. And I have to commend the director here, this is rather like the original Reeker a fantastic opening, to what promises to be a good movie.
Promise however is a deceitful thing, and I did think to myself at one point that I really was going to enjoy this movie. But suddenly after much promise things went bad, I would go so far as to say worse than the original, now I appreciate that a sequel is rarely as good as the original, when the original is so bad where on earth is the story to go?

The cast are far better picked this time round, for me the most notable being Desmond Askew who I grew up watching in British kids school drama Grange Hill, here Askew delivers the best performance of the movie as a cocky casino robber, who meets with a rather unfortunate accident in his car, leaving him... Shall we say a little lacking upstairs? The movies Deputy Sherriff Harris is played by Michael Muhney who is probably best known as Sherriff Don Lamb in Veronica Mars. With star of television for 40 years Robert Pine the main cast is iced off. What is amazing, and I'm utterly thrilled about is that David has not tried to chuck the awful Tina into the mix again as is often the case with these sort of movies, instead she manages to stay on the right side of the camera, behind it.

Effects are pretty good; the make-up department really earned their cash here, with some fantastic scenes of gore; there are really good signs that this is not quite as low budget as the predecessor. While the CGI department do fantastic justice to Askew's head.

What I give to Dave is the fact that as a director he does have an incredibly good eye, his scenes are almost perfectly framed, some of the scenes in this low budget horror offering are as good as any big budget blockbuster. With cinematographer Mike Mickens close at hand the capturing of effects, action, and the desolation of Reeker's location is captured fantastically. What Dave cannot do however is work a script to his advantage, rather than let the characters develop as the movie progresses often their opening lines contain a nasty TV movie dialogue that gives the characters life story away, sometimes less is most definitely more. As for the story itself it's a little bit jumbled, Payne struggles to keep the movie franchise fresh by adding new bits, as well as trying to justify just how the Reeker appears, simply through a couple of explosions. There are also a number of "unexplained" incidents that no doubt if Payne was given an open mic on the subject he might imply that maybe "You just didn't get it!" Sadly for Payne this is not The Matrix, or anywhere near that quality. Payne's ultimate and I feel disrespectful final strike involving a child talking about his babysitter not only effectively defecates on Payne's work but gives sad promise that maybe Payne will ridicule us all again by returning to the franchise for a third instalment.

If by some freak incident you happened to enjoy the original Reeker, then I'm sure you will get a certain degree of satisfaction from this sequel, if however you enjoy life then head off out for a walk instead, there are better ways to spend your life than to watch this.

As for Dave, and I know that you'll be reading this, I take my hat off to you; in the previous movie it was pretty much all-round awful, whereas despite the deficits of the storyline you have grown and progressed far more as a director, obviously learning a lot since your last encounter with the Reeker. And while I criticise your work harshly you're a far cleverer man than me, and I commend your devotion to your trade. I sincerely hope that I'll be able to enjoy your next movie.

No Man's Land: The Rise Of The Reeker I suspect will greet European audiences in the form of a straight to DVD product.

Tropic Thunder

Amid a wave on controversy Tropic Thunder opened in US cinemas to a lot of criticism. Firstly there was the issue of casting Robert Downey Jr. To play a black actor, then something nobody expected a protest by disabled people and campaigners over the apparent over the top uses of the term “retard” and the portrayal of people that have disabilities. And when you thought nothing more could happen, the Tom Cruise backlash began, with one of the worlds most recognised actors took on an unusual role, was it good? Or was his performance just plain awful?

After a series of bungles on the movie Tropic Thunder, the final one being a massive explosion of special effects while the camera is not rolling; director Damien Cockburn (Steve Coogan) has pressure put on him movie mogul by Les Grossman (Tom Cruise) to make the movie work. In a conversation with Four Leaf Tayback (Nick Nolte) the hero the movies story is based upon, Four Leaf suggests a controversial way to get the movie made and with realism.

In the middle of the jungle a group of once A-Listed actors led by Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), Kirk Lazurus (Robert Downey Jr.) and Jeff Portney (Jack Black) are dropped off with the movies director Damien to bring the movie in on a lesser budget. Unbeknown to all however, they have landed in the middle of a real war.

Tropic Thunder follows in a string of pretty mid range comedies from actor/director Ben Stiller, the only real laugh in this movie I can’t tell you about; beyond that it’s just mainly Stiller, Black, and Downey goofing off for the benefit of the audience. While it is far from funny though it’s not a bad movie, it’s at times relatively enjoyable but certainly in my view does not fit into the category of comedy; I guess if I had to categorize it I’d create a new one “Drama-With-Smiles”. In respect of story there are no airy scenes where you find that you’re watching for something off screen to happen, it all flows along at a good pace.

You cannot question the money sunk into this movie neither can you question the special effects, which are as great as any big blockbuster movie to fall out of Hollywood over the last few years, think Die Hard 4.0 and the latest Rambo offering and you’re not far off, the movie’s opening effects being some of the most spectacular action effects we have seen in a movie so far this year.

The movies main momentum however is its cast going through the motions in for some very new ground. Robert Downey Jr. Is great as the perfectionist actor who in order to achieve true believability has a revolutionary surgical procedure that turns him from fair skinned Australian actor, to tough talking black American Kirk. His character never fails to please and essentially is the movies biggest star, he certainly achieves just slightly more screen time than the apparent lead Stiller. Stiller rather unsurprisingly turns out his usual one acting style type of performance, there is nothing her to separate him from the Fockers, or anything since. Jack Black is quite literally just there, as a drug addict actor who continues to fall from grace.

It’s the un-credited actors that provide the most interest in the movie. Tom Cruise’s apparent cameo is far from being so, in fact he gets more screen time than Jack Black; the performance however is neither good nor bad, as the slightly overweight Les Grossman, Cruise’s appearance is really quite bizarre, he looks almost like he might be an unknown actor in disguise, trying to play Tom Cruise who in turn is in disguise, anyone who watched Epic Movie will know exactly what I’m talking about. It seems that the watchword for Cruise was stupid, and in the words of Forrest Gump “Stupid is as stupid does!” Cruise exits the movie in the most stomach turning, hands over your eyes disturbing dance routines that really needs to be seen to be believed, thank God he is only 3 months away from Valkyrie a role that will arguably save Cruise’s recent declining career.

Nick Nolte is great as the slightly deceitful war veteran forced into war by accident. While the movies unsung hero is Matthew McConaughey as Speedman’s agent Rick Peck who spends much of the movie back in Hollywood fighting with Grossman to get a TIVO player promised in Speedman’s contract; an issue of ultimate importance to Peck, but one never once addressed by Speedman. There are a series of cameos also that include Jon Voight, Tyra Banks, Alicia Silverstone, Lance Bass, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mickey Rooney, Tobey Maguire and Amy Stiller.

Of the controversy surrounding the movie, the disabled attributes are no worse than anything we have seen before, in fact played down considerably from another Stiller movie There’s Something About Mary. In fact one of the most winning facts of the movie is that this factor is present, as a frequently referenced career downturn of Speedman who’s previous movie saw him play a man with learning difficulties, a sign of our rather pathetic over politically correct world however means that this relatively minor issue will be overplayed by doogooders trying to make a cause up about nothing, sadly its these exact same idiots that eventually as a hole will win over in Hollywood and see movies like this and Something About Mary pretty much outlawed in the future. Of the issue regarding Robert Downey Jr. It’s completely justified and anyone with an issue over this really should get a life, it’s carefully done, and with the maximum of respect.

Tropic Thunder is one of those movies that should you encounter it on a night at home in front of the television you would be relatively pleased, but have to pay out money to see it at the cinema, or buy it on DVD you may well feel robbed. Tropic Thunder is not a great movie, but its far from being a bad one, those wanting to see the old Stiller back however, settle for his continued blows with Larry David in the award winning Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Tropic Thunder is in UK cinemas from 19^th of September.

Otis

Made for very little cash, and aimed strictly at the home video viewing audience Otis is an unusual, often sick, and incredibly funny movie that creates a warped and bizarre synergy between the world of the Saw movies, and popular TV show Desperate Housewives. Having put off watching the movie for a couple of months a recent review caused me to dust off the disc and insert it in my player straight away.

 

Otis Broth (Bostin Christopher) is a bit of a simple man, a man with his head stuck in dreams of the past; most notably the vision that he can relive his missed prom night with head cheerleader Kim. Kim is of course long gone now, but Otis is still feeling deprived. As the movie opens we see a young woman chained to a bed having been subjected to several weeks of abuse in preparation for prom night. Realising that prom night also means that she will have to finally have sex with the overweight Otis, the woman feigns being weaker than she is in order to try and overpower Otis and make her escape. Initially looking like she has the winning hand, the young woman and a lamp fall into a filled bath, it’s curtains for this version of “Kim”.  Not content, and seemingly not the first time Otis has done this, Otis targets Riley Lawson (Dirt’s Ashley Johnson) and it’s not long before she fills the role of the new Kim. But Otis has not been as forward thinking as he likes to believe, can a strange twist of fate turn the lives of everyone upside down?

 

In this intense cheapness of the movie, as well as having the currently successful Ashley Johnson as joint lead the movie also stars Home Alone’s Daniel Stern and To Die For’s Illeana Douglas as the loving parents of Riley, Will and Kate. Comedian Kevin Pollack also stars as Otis’ abusive older brother Elmo. While these are hardly A-List actors, it is blatantly apparent as you sit and watch Otis is the fact that they all command more money than the movie could have been made for, this leads me to the conclusion that they all had great belief or maybe even love for this low budget comedy thriller. What’s more I can see why, appreciating its incredibly low budget, Otis is by far the wittiest movie I have seen for a considerable time, with some pretty harsh one liners that would only come from the mouth of the most prolific sicko.

 

I am not ruining the story (publicity everywhere spills this part of the story) by telling you that Riley becomes the one to get away, but what makes Otis is what happens after she gets away, this is almost where the movie really begins.

 

While compared to Saw in a few places including my opening paragraph, I need to say this is nowhere near so graphically horrific, characters that are enduring torture etc. are never actually seen receiving this, they are only shown after the event. But the wonder in the power of suggestion is that you kind of think you have seen something.

 

A familiar face in the movie, but a name I can’t pretend to have heard of is Jere Burns who plays FBI Agent Hotchkiss; it’s the character of Hotchkiss that really makes Otis what it is. Hotchkiss comes out with some of the most disturbing lines that you can possibly think of, the sort of sickening lines that if you were physically there you would need to bury your head in your hands. Hotchkiss consoles Will, Kate and Riley’s brother Reed (Jared Kusnitz) with witty quips like “We found his last victims behind a dumpster without her tits!”The sort of encouraging conversation you want to hear from the man investigating the case of your daughter disappearance. When asked by a TV Anchor what separates’ Hotchkiss from the rapist murderer Otis, he replies “A Condom”.

 

Granted Otis is not the sort of humour that everyone likes, but if you get the pleasure of seeing unfortunate things happen to people on hidden camera shows, or you enjoy seeing kids getting a good public dressing down by their parents then you are just sick enough to not only watch Otis, but love it.  From the excellent cast, all of whom are incredibly well picked for their respective roles, to the general piecing together of the movies story. For music lovers, the movie has the ultimate 80’s homage soundtrack with all those classic songs that any 30 something will have grown up with.

Gettin' It

If your one of those people that won’t watch anything other than big blockbuster movies then Gettin It is certainly not for you, however if you’re a bit more open minded, enjoyed the humour of American Pie, Porky’s or The Lemon Popsicle movies then this 2006 sex comedy is a must. Gettin it is low budget, filmed with handheld cameras, and looks decidedly cheap. But what Gettin It marks isa resurgence of the sex comedy so popular during the 70’s and 80’s, this is the beginning of the wave and you’ll be seeing a lot more like it.

 

Silver is a normal kid, he works in his mum and dad’s takeaway pizza joint as a delivery boy; he is nothing special and quite withdrawn. Slightly unbelievably this rather nerdy kid has a stunning girlfriend called Sheila who wants to wait for the time to be right to have sex; I’ll leave you to decide which part I find unbelievable. Silver however wants sex more than anything, after all his friends are all having sex, none more so than the Virginator (a guy who only has sex with girlfriends, and acquired the name after he named Silver the Masturbator). After an attempt to have sex with Sheila goes terribly wrong after finding condoms in his pocket, Silver is forced into the single life. Deciding to ditch the condoms however causes Silver to discover that they were obviously designed for elephants, and before he has time to bat his eyelids the town is rocked by the news that Silver has a two foot penis, suddenly the towns most desirables are all queuing up for a little “home delivery” but can Silver keep his newfound reputation in tact?

 

The sicker side of me really quite enjoyed this movie, not because it was overly funny, not because it had a gripping storyline, but because it was like a time warp for me, these sort of sex comedies were everywhere in my youth when I was being “dragged” up and if it existed you could pretty much guarantee I had seen it. These movies were often of a very cheap nature, but at least shot on film so they did not look quite as cheap as this offering.

 

Some of the performances in the movie are horrendous most notably Salvatore Crivelo who plays Arturo Silver’s father, an actor who did nothing on screen before Gettin It and at the time of writing after, if anyone’s career has ended as soon as it began its Crivelo’s and regardless of your views of the movie I’m sure all would agree that this is one of the most terrible performances of all-time. 

It’s unlikely that any of the cast you would have heard of least alone Patrick Censoplano who plays Silver, this being said there is a good selection of ex-Playboy models and porn actresses all turning their hand at acting for a change. To be honest the balance of good and bad actors is well matched, luckily it’s mostly the reasonable actors that you have to spend any time with.

 

Gettin It does have a pretty good stab at humour, and to be honest with you it’s not a bad attempt, there are a couple of scenes where you just kind of want to bury your head in your hands, but in a good way. The film does feature mainly old jokes, and borrows heavily from the Patrick Dempsey movie Loverboy which also involved a pizza delivery boy who took more than pizza to his high paying female clientele. I don’t however want to understate this movie or overstate it, if you loved Porky’s then this will undoubtedly appeal to you, there is a certain American Piesque feel about the movie specifically the relationship between Jason Biggs character in Pie, and Silver’s here.

 

Trader Hornee

Back in 1931 Harry Carey starred as Aloysius “Trader” Horn in the movie Trader Horn, this epic African adventure (which later partially inspired the Indiana Jones movies) saw Horn encounter a group of African tribesmen ruled over by a white goddess; who just so happened to be an wealthy American heiress stranded there some years prior. Trader Horn went on to not just inspire the birth of one of modern cinemas greatest heroes, but also struck a chord with adult movie makers Jonathan Lucas and David P. Freidman, so much show that they created Trader Hornee a carbon copy of the movie, but with added humour and of course a little bit of sex.

 

Made in 1970, as an adult movie Trader Hornee (Hornee pronounced Horn the E’s are silent) is a really bizarre offering. For a sex comedy, and one made by adult filmmakers, there is very little “sex” to offend most people. Bridging a gap between the works of the late Russ Meyer and Laurel and Hardy, I’m sure you might already be able to form an image in your mind as to what this movie is like. Featuring Russ Meyers wobbly, disjointed, and often poorly cut filmmaking and the sort of slapstick comedy of Laurel and Hardy, Trader Hornee is an oddball movie that is difficult to compare to any other style I have ever seen.

 

You might well have an image of a mucky, dirty movie; but Trader Hornee is far from this, yes there is nudity, yes there is plenty of sexual reference but what there is little sex. The hero of the movie Hamilton Hornee (Buddy Pantasari) gets plenty of sex, but none you have to see. The movie is incredibly tame and not deserving of the reputation it has, despite being released uncut the movie looks no worse than any Carry On movie, in fact you might find more to offend in those. When it comes to sex the act is quickly breezed over, characters strip down to their underwear before flicking to another scene, upon return to the couple having sex the act is over and they are very much in relaxation time. Even language is tamed down, as soon as a swear word is incoming the actual word is replaced by the sound of a horn or whistle blowing.

 

Watching Trader Hornee I’m reminded of my youth, there is lots of cute stock footage of animals designed to create the impression that the cast and crew are in Africa. Whereas now in nature shows you see the harsh realities of two different breeds of animal meeting, often resulting in death; here you get the impression that all African animals get on like a house on fire, and as if to prove a point a piece of footage shows a chimpanzee and a tiger (both very young) playing happily together, the chimp slaps the tiger on the head before laughing at it. There are lots of lovely moments like this, shot on slightly grainy often orange tinged film stock, it really is delightful to watch, and for older movie lovers like myself it’s a wonderful look back at the past.

 

The term “Random” is one so often heard nowadays and is probably the best term I could ever think of to describe this movie. There are scores of scenes that literally look like they are just done for the hell of it. Often the picture shoots off into a red, purple, orange or blue lens; occasionally it shakes about like the cameraman is at a disco. When the African’s and a group of explorers led by Hornee first encounter each other they all start dancing together even though the explorers believe they are going to end up in the giant stock pot.  And when you think things have got odd enough, how about a man in a white monkey suit stealing gold which is actually a Nazi officer who loves gold.

 

I don’t really think it’s fair to comment on acting, because the movie is obviously all done in the name of fun, characters say things like “Leaping Lizards” with big cheesy grins on their faces, nothing is played straight in this movie. Worth pointing out though is the presence of John Alderman an actor who was once tipped to be the new Clark Gable, had it not been for his addiction with alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes often smoking as many as 100 cigarettes in one day. Instead the actor ended up in B-Movies, and exploitation pictures because of his difficult nature.

 

If you like to sit and watch what is effectively a bad movie, and have a really good laugh in the process then Trader Hornee is a very worthwhile movie to watch, you’ll laugh, and you’ll sit open jawed at the absolute ridiculousness of the whole thing.

 

Grindhouse Trailer Classics

Who would have thought that trailers for movies could become as popular as the real thing? But this is exactly what has happened with Nucleus Films release Grindhouse Trailer Classics. Taking a leaf out of US DVD releases 42^nd Street Forever, a series of DVD’s that bought the power of cult, low budget and niche movie trailers into the homes of viewers, themselves inspired by Quentin Tarentino’s Grindhouse movie.

 

Watching trailers for movies from yesteryear may seem like a strangething to do, but if you’re a fan of classic movies of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s that were far from blockbusters like myself, two hours of Trailer viewing will be right up your street. Grindhouse Trailer Classics opens a sort of vortex to the past, a glimpse at life before the dawn of the multiplex cinemas of Warner, Venue, or Cineworld.

 

The success of this DVD was so unexpected that Nucleus films headed up by film historian Marc Morris and movie maker Jake West are about to release a second volume of this compilation series.

 

To be honest with you, there is not much you can say about a two hour DVD of trailers, however I can tell you about some of the trailers. The combination of trailers varies from horror movies, thriller, soft porn classics, and sex comedies.

 

Switchblade Sisters sees a gang of teenage girls who have a thirst for blood, and a love for sharp knives. Eyeball offers a red raincoat wearing serial killer as they select a series of victims, “No Suspense has ever gone this far” tells the narrator of the trailer. Wes Craven’s Last House On The Left trailer features footage actually edited out of the UK DVD release for the movie, making this a must for fans of the movie. Italian horror movies are well represented with trailers for Torso, Autopsy, Zombie AKA Zombie Flesh Eaters, and Doctor Butcher MD AKA Zombie Holocaust. How about Deadly Weapons a movie about a female assassin who kills her targets by smothering them with her enormous breasts. They Call Her One Eye features Christina Lindberg in the toned down version of this thriller/porn movie that inspired the Daryl Hannah character in Kill Bill. The Thing With Two heads sees the great Ray Milland near the end of his acting days as a head transplant patient whose head has been attached to the body of a black man who gets to keep his head too, the two headed man has a further issue because Ray Milland’s character is a racist. Pete Walker’s House Of The Whipcord offers British involvement to the piece and looks far sleazier than the reality. Fans of the Blaxploitation era will be treated to Truck Turner starring Isaac Hayes best known now as the voice of Chef from South Park, and Pam Grier movies Coffy, and The Big Doll House.  While more modern movies are featured with the appearance of Death Ship and The Perils Of Gwendoline.

 

Among the 55 trailers featured are some trailers never before seen in the UK. Granted watching trailers might not seem like that much fun, but believe me if you have a good sense of humour and a thirst for movie trivia this DVD will keep you amused for weeks.

 

 

Special Features

 

Bump And Grind – A 17 minute documentary presented by low budget horror actress Emily Booth gives you a look and a taste of the effect these low budget movies had on audiences. In between clips for trailers like Wham Bam Thank You Spaceman, Emily tells the story of Grindhouse trailers from their initial conception to their demise at the dawn of the 1980’s after the birth of videotape allowed cinemagoers the opportunity to see these weird movies in the comfort of your own home, rather than in semen stained seats, with audiences that were less than controlled. The documentary is based on the book Nightmare USA by cult movie novelist Stephen Thrower.

 

A series of posters are gathered together for you to get the unique feel of a bygone age, far from the modern politically correct age we now live in the posters could be every bit as shocking as the movies they publicise.

 

Finally there is a list of other movies from Nucleus a trailer for each one is featured the trailers include Between Your Legs, The Ugliest Woman In The World, Gwendoline, Fausto 5.0, London Voodoo, and Death Ship.